Monday, August 22, 2011

MOM FAIL #1: Notes from a Gas Station

I'm writing this post based on a prompt from Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop.
One of the 5 writing prompts she provided this week asked for a mom fail moment. I have the perfect one. It starts with a few notes to self...

NOTE TO SELF: Never let a seven-year-old pump gas, even if he claims to know how to do it. Even if he tells you "Gram let me do it before." He is not trying to be a gentleman or a "good little helper." He is lying. Believe him, let him do it, and you will end up with a kid soaked head to toe in petrol.


2nd NOTE TO SELF: A seven-year-old boy is unpredictable. He may, without warning, pull a pump out of the gas tank while still squeezing down the handle, then wave it around—eyes wide with surprise—as gas showers upon himself, his mother and their car in a Zoolander-esque "gas fight" montage.

3rd NOTE TO SELF: Do NOT scream at your son to get him to stop spraying said gas. You will frighten him enough to drop the pump, but then he will only start crying and reach to rub his eyes, and you will be forced to scream again, even louder, attracting unwelcome attention, “NO! DO NOT TOUCH YOUR EYES! You’ll BURN them!”

4th NOTE TO SELF: When you get home, do NOT attempt to wash gas-soaked clothing in washing machine. It makes your washing machine (and all future loads) smell like gas.

5th NOTE TO SELF: Do NOT put just-washed-but-still-gas-soaked clothing in the dryer. This may start a small fire.

6th NOTE TO SELF: When you Google "how to get gas smell out of washing machine" and it tells you to put a vinegar and baking soda mixture into the wash, use caution when adding the baking soda. It will cause a chemical reaction of foam to shoot up rapidly into face--burning eyes, and peppering the ceiling and floor with Eau de F'ing Vinegar.

7th NOTE TO SELF: Give up and open bottle of wine to block out home and child that smells of gas and vinegar.

True story.

22 comments:

  1. OMG, laughing my head off, but feeling very sorry for you. Sounds terribly stressful!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Definitely not one of my best parenting moments.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love it. What a day that must have been. Hope you had two glasses...no, a bottle of wine. phew! I was cracking up reading this the whole time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes. The wine never stops a'flowin' at our house. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh dear, I just imagined all this happening. I really feel sorry for you, hope all is back to normal. Later it sounds so funny, I'm still laughing. And I hope this will never ever happen to me. It could though, because my tot, just turned 3yo, is one of those who wants to do everything himself. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh dear. This is so not funny, but so hilariously funny at the same time! Well said!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is so funny...now. I'm sure it was horrifying when it happened. It's a wonder any of us survive our own childhood, as well as our children's childhoods.

    Gasoline (petrol) is scary stuff. Thank God there wasn't an idiot who was pumping while smoking.

    As far as the independent kid? I just point to the handy signs on the pump - must be 16 to pump gas. End of discussion.

    ReplyDelete
  8. OMG!!!! I love this story!!!! Did "gram" get in trouble too??

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh yes! I gave Gram the good "what for" when I got ahold of her. She said, "Well I did let him do it, but I was standing next to him the whole time." Yeah. So was I, and you see how well that went!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wow. Well I let my 5 year old help me pump gas. He was only supposed to squeeze the handle, but he was still standing there when I took the nozzle out and the extra hit him in the eyes. That was my first trip to the emergency room and I mom fail moment that I had repressed until I read this.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh Jacki... we're like soul sisters! LOL. I feel ya, honey!

    ReplyDelete
  12. awesome story! I love those "what was I thinking?" moments--only because they make the best stories!
    nice.
    best, wb

    ReplyDelete
  13. That made me laugh so hard. Even though it must have been awful to have been covered in gasoline. From now on, I am always going over the state line to NJ so my son never has the chance to beg me to pump the gas himself.

    ReplyDelete
  14. OMG, this is the funniest thing ever (and I'm sure was your biggest nightmare of a day at the time!!!). It's like a never-ending train wreck.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes. It was the day that would not end. And now it lives on... in blogger infamy.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'll never forget the day I let MY 7-year-old try pumping gas - we both got soaked in gas! It was awful...I thought I was teaching him a useful lesson. But, he's 26 now, so he survived my lack of mothering skills...LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Holy Cr*P!! You handled it all with only ONE bottle? I would surely have needed two ;)

    What a great story! It helps us all to feel better when we know we're not alone in our freaky mom moments.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog and letting me know about it! You live in one of my favorite areas of Florida and I grew up in Miami from time to time (well, most of my childhood, but on and off again)too! If you're ever in Jupiter, let me know and I'll give you a tour of my closet in person and we can swap "Mom of the Year" stories over adult beverages ;)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Oh, love! I am so glad you shared this so that one day, when this could have happened, it won't. Very clever (and funny) way to share it!

    ReplyDelete
  19. OMG WOW... I laughed so hard at this, but it must have been horrifying at the time! I will definitely make note of this story and I'll probably have to show it to my husband. He'd be the one to let our son pump the gas! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  20. HYSTERICAL... thanks for the laugh... and for the advice! Note to self taken!

    ReplyDelete