Sunday, September 23, 2012

MOM FAIL #3: 5 Never-Before-Thought-Of Mommy Daughter Dates

During a recent Pinterest marathon, I came across a pin that led me to a blog post titled “20 Mommy Daughter Dates.” Right up my alley, I thought. But no. These ideas were neither in my alley nor in my neighborhood.

Among the 20 date suggestions were the not-so-unique:
  • Go to the park
  • Go to a movie
  • Go to a children’s museum
  • Get frozen yogurt
The sexist:
  • Bake something
  • Mani/pedis
  • Go to the mall
And the offensive:
  • Go to the American Girl store

Oh hell no.

For those moms out there who might like to share a different kind of moment with their daughters, here is an alternative pin-able list of Mommy Daughter Dates Your Little Angel Won’t Soon Forget.

1. Clean a Public Restroom Together. If your daughter is shorter than 3’ tall and hasn’t yet mastered the Public Toilet Squat, an uncomfortable amount of time together in a community loo should do the trick. Nothing bonds two generations of women like a pinky’s-up, one-ply TP-wipe-down of a Home Depot toilet. No, not the new ones on display; the urine-dappled ones in the restroom behind the Electrical aisle that smell like chili dogs and fertilizer.  LIFE LESSON: Cleanliness.

2. Have a Good Cry Together. From her first D- on a test to the first time the pretty girl wears the same dress she did, it’s important to let your baby know that both The Four Seasons and Fergie were wrong. Big girls do cry, and that’s OK. LIFE LESSON: Crying helps you lose water weight, so do it with abandon.  

3. Fill Up the Car With Gas. I’ve actually done this one with my son as well. Read about it here. LIFE LESSON: Know when to let go. Of the gas pump.

4. Do a Craft Together. I might suggest crocheting a coozy to keep Nana’s happy juice cold. What? Yes, it is! Alright, fine. The happy juice isn’t Nana’s. It’s mine. But she’s the one who drives me to drink it. Does that count? LIFE LESSON: If you don’t know how to knit, you should at least know how to pour Mommy the perfect cucumber gimlet. Now that’s crafty!

5. Start a Business Together. Come up with a great product or idea together--like a roadside guinea pig grooming business--then disagree about the details, mismanage money and post the whole experience on YouTube. This will lead to a segment on the Today Show which will lead to a reality show on a major cable network. LIFE LESSON: In today's world, you can be famous and rich without the burden of talent or hard work.

For anyone who read to the bottom of this blog hoping for real or redeeming ideas, here's one: turn off your computer and hug your daughter. Tell her she is smart and funny and your greatest accomplishment. Get up and do this now. Seriously. I'll wait here. . .

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